Looking Back
by NineInches
Summary: I've wrote a little something set in 2015, Ste has gone back to the bridge in Dublin and is remembering Brendan, I've also added a bit about his depression in there as I know that's something a lot of people in the fandom wanted that to happen to him. I hope you like it, any feedback is welcome. Thank you


_Okay this is my first attempt at writing something and I thought I would give it a shot so i apologise if its not anything great as there are a lot of talented writers in this fandom and I defiantly do not match up. I also apologise for any grammatical/spelling errors, please feel free to point them out to me. _

_I've wrote a little something set in 2015, Ste has gone back to the bridge in Dublin and is remembering Brendan, I've also added a bit about his depression in there as I know that's something a lot of people in the fandom wanted to happen to him. _

_I hope you like it, any feedback is welcome. Thank you _

Ste stared out across into the water. The slight breeze grazing over his shaved parts of hair. December 2015. 3 years. 3 years since it happened. 3 years since you abandoned your marriage and ran to Dublin to be with him. 3 years. It doesn't get any easier coming back here but it helps in a weird sense, helps to remember the good times because if you remember the bad times you're just going to be falling into a black hole of depression and you've been there and you're never going back.

That's what happens when the love of your life leaves you though. Goes to prison. You slowly fall into nothingness. Oh you can pretend everything's fine for ages in the eyes of people, always say "Yes im fine" when asked if okay but as soon as that door shuts on the world, on the ever moving world, yours stops. Sudden. You can reach into the fridge for the cheap beer, can after can from price slice seeing as its all you can afford as your avoiding work at the moment. You can put Johnny Cash on because it reminds you of him and yes you can wear one of his t-shirts because it still smells of him. Its just you in this world and no one can come in unless invited and that's not going to be happening any time soon. No yankey ex-husband will interrupt no kids, no ex's, and no parents. It's just you and you keep falling until the prospect of coming up again is hidden under week long hangovers and more alcohol. No one can save you now, not even yourself.

He would have been your therapy. Ironic really seeing as your like this because of him. Your ex husband tried to make a move a few months after the whole thing happened but you told him in no uncertain terms that you never really loved him and that you were trying to get over a certain somebody by marrying him but it didn't do the trick seeing as you ended up in Dublin. In this spot. Where you are now.

It played over in your mind if you should stay in the same hotel. In the same room. It played over so many times, in the end you got angry and ended up just booking the hotel next to it. It didn't stop you going back there though. Standing, staring at the door and remembering the night you spent there, confirming over and over your dedication to each other, imprinting it in one another's bodies that this was it. The chapter where it all came together. You and him. Finally.

Your bodies felt the full power of your love that night. You fucked, you made love, you spent ages just kissing and adoring each other and then fucked some more. Your pretty sure you broke some strings on the bed but of course it was worth it. The next morning he bought you breakfast in bed, that shocked you, he'd never done that before. This is it. He really has changed. You had sex again that morning. How couldn't you when he was teasing and tempting you about how he was your man, whatever the pleasure. That was taken full advantage of. Although as you stand here on this night, on this bridge and remember those moments, those private moments you had which out live any private moment you've ever had with any other human being, it's the moment on this bridge that captures your heart the most.

"I love you, I can't live my life without you, I love you Steven" comes to the forefront of your mind and makes your heart swell with adoration and love. He had said it, in public, he'd kissed you in public, he'd announced his love and the fact he can't live his life without you, in public and that goes above everything else that has happened in your life apart from meeting him. It proved to you that he really wanted to make this work, he wanted you, Steven Hay, he wanted you and not just in that moment, he wanted to be with you for the rest of his life and he didn't care who heard or who saw him, he no longer wanted to hide away, no more stolen private moments in cellars, or meetings in his house shielded from the world because he couldn't except who he was.. In this moment it was just you too and he fully accepted that he was gay and in love with you and that made the rest of the world melt away into non existence. "I love you to" where your words back.

Of course they were. 2 years you've wanted this moment and here it was, right in front of you and you grabbed it with both hands, you both did and sealed it with kisses and I love you's and it was perfect and everything you ever dreamed of and like hell where you ever going to let it go. He'd done it. You'd done it. Together you'd taken a leap of faith and it was the scariest, most perfect and right thing you'd ever done.

Your mouth opened slightly then and repeated the words from that night "I love you too". You stroked your love lock as yours feel and you knew, as you always had, no matter what, that you were never going to feel any differently about Brendan Brady.


End file.
